Setting boundaries to build healthy relationships

We all need to learn to set boundaries in a clear, direct, and effective way, and that is exactly what the video that psychologist Alba Cardalda published on her social media in 2022 demonstrated, under the title How to Politely Send People to Hell. This content went viral, reaching more than 11 million views, and was the precedent for the publishing success of the same name, which has already sold more than 150,000 copies. It has become a non-fiction phenomenon in both Spain and Latin America and promises to continue successfully conquering new audiences through its publication in different publishing houses such as in Portugal (Pergaminho), Russia (Alpina), China (Qingdao Publishing House), Italy (DeAgostini), Korea (DaVinciHouse), Brazil (Ediouro), Poland (Foksal Publishing), and France (Éditis). It has also been translated into Catalan by Rosa dels Vents (Penguin Random House).

In her book, Cardalda teaches us how to say "no" assertively and empathetically, in order to achieve more authentic and satisfying relationships that will make us feel more respected, loved, and, above all, free to be who we truly are.

Why do we find it so difficult to set boundaries? There are many reasons, all of them very personal, such as the fear of losing our job, the idea of ​​romantic love, or the fear of being lost if we say "no"—these may be some of the reasons. This is why it is so difficult for us to do so, and when we finally take the step, we may experience feelings of guilt, fear, or anxiety.

Setting boundaries in relationships is, however, not always positive or healthy; the key lies in how we communicate those boundaries, which is what truly improves our relationships with others and with ourselves.

“We tend to keep quiet about what we'd like to say because we can't find an assertive way to do it. We tell ourselves, 'It's not important,' or 'I don't want to cause a conflict,' or 'I wouldn't want to make the other person angry,' in other words, we suppress ourselves. But when we suppress ourselves, far from reducing the intensity of our emotions, they increase inside us, and we accumulate them until one day we explode like a volcano and end up expressing ourselves in the worst way. That's when we cause harm and our relationships deteriorate.

“We have the right to set boundaries, but not just any old way. Knowing how to do so, taking into account the emotions of others and our own, using the right words and at the right time, is key to ensuring that these boundaries are healthy and help us build, not destroy, relationships with others as well as with ourselves,” the author states in her work.

About Alba Cardalda

She is a psychologist specializing in cognitive-behavioral psychotherapy, brief strategic therapy, and neuropsychology. For over ten years, she has worked in therapy with children, adolescents, and adults. In 2017, Alba decided to leave her stable job to travel the world, an experience that changed her professional perspective. This time as a nomadic psychologist allowed her to deepen her understanding of human relationships and intercultural communication, knowledge that she has later captured in her two published books.

She debuted as an author in 2023 with How to Politely Tell People to Go to Hell, which quickly resonated with thousands of readers for its direct and innovative approach to assertiveness. In 2024, she published How to Stop Being Your Own Worst Enemy, which explores the importance of setting boundaries for ourselves through internal dialogue. Her books include examples and exercises that allow you to immediately apply the concepts.